Quitting my Job (again)

As I get older, I get more demanding when it comes to the places I work at/for. I don’t expect to get free Yoga classes in my lunch break, but I cannot any more work under the same conditions as in my early twenties. I don’t want to do un-payed internships and be thankful for the ‘experience’.

When I came to Berlin, I thought that a temporary position was the way to go. 
I thought I’d set foot at a company I’m interested in and find out if it works for me. I expected my workplace in Berlin to be an open, free-spirited and comfortable environment but of course, things usually turn out differently than imagined. I am so much of a free thinker, honestly, I am unsure if I’m able to work in a classic business situation with regular hierarchies.

I liked the work but not so much the circumstances under which I had to do it.
It became clear quite early on that my job here wasn’t right for me. I butted heads with my boss more than once and an explosion of opinions was inevitable. I talked to him about what wasn’t right for me but honestly, it was mostly a way of sharing my disappointment.

I didn’t expect my boss to understand.
However, he did his best trying to understand where I am coming from and I realize this was harder for him than I thought it was gonna be. We made some actual changes happen and if that’s everything I did for that company in my time – making it a bit of a better place for future generations of employees – then that’s OK with me and an accomplishment I am proud of.

My bad mood didn’t change.
The next weeks, I was going to my job unwillingly every morning and counted the hours until I was done. The changes came too late and cost me too much energy. I lost my motivation to go to work pretty fast. Every morning when I was finishing my cigarette, I didn’t even wanna go inside. I had to ask myself if I wanted to continue.

To quit or not to quit.
For the first time in my life, I made an important decision solely based on my feelings. And my gut was telling me to have a fresh start in Berlin next year. So, I quit. Today was my last day and I still believe I made the right choice. When I return from my Christmas break, I won’t have much to ‘do’ in Berlin but I also won’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. We ended the contract amicably and there are no hard feelings on my side. And even though my boss (hopefully jokingly) said that he only takes it a little personal, we settled on me continuing my work as a Freelance designer for them.

I got a job offered as a UIX designer literally on the same day.
Short story, even shorter: I declined the possibility of applying for this job simply because I don’t want to. I don’t wanna work as a UIX designer, not at home and not in Berlin. I’ll rather sit in my room working from home. Maybe I will finally do what I came here for: find out what to do with my life. And if I can’t make that happen, at least I know I stayed true to my principles.

BenLeander

P.s.: If you or someone you know may need help from a graphic designer who also studied psychology and focuses on editorial, corporate and package design, please do contact me. I suddenly have lots of free time.