It would be much easier if this blog were anonymous – and boring.

Since starting this blog, I have always had it connected to my Facebook account. I didn’t care about the couple of readers I knew in real life. However, that was a while ago and now things are different. I sometimes wish this blog were anonymous so I could write as openly as I’d like to. I hate feeling like I have to consider other people when everything I really wanna do is write down my personal thoughts.

Negative feedback is OK but it’s different when it’s personal.

I’ve written about many of the most important events in my life and I always have a first draft which is how I’d like to publish it. In the editing process, I often think about what certain people may think when they read what I have written. I don’t have a crazy exciting life – far from it – but I try to live quite honestly and openly, even on social media. However, being transparent also makes for an easy target for criticism on a personal level.

I have gotten feedback from most of the men I’ve mentioned here.

And sometimes, hearing what they had to say wasn’t all that easy. Eventually, I think it helped to move forward. I am not saying that I don’t want to get feedback but with some more personal topics, I wish I could simply hide this blog from certain people. The only person I haven’t heard back from was the one I wanted to hear from the most (at the time I wrote about him) and that is my ex-boyfriend. Realising that he doesn’t wanna talk to me, potentially ever, was hard. Knowing now that he doesn’t have anything to say is OK and was quite helpful to move forward but honestly, I was really sad after not hearing back from him after I wrote him an open letter. Guess, we are not the odd ones out who can make a friendship work after a relationship ended.

I’ve also had other kinds of weird situations because of people who have obviously read something and didn’t know how to talk about it in real life. The one thing that comes to mind pretty fast is my tattoo artist who wasn’t all that happy when I posted a diary of the healing process of my infected tattoo.

All in all, it would make it easier to have this blog be anonymous, but also it would be more boring. I am a real person, I make mistakes and I wanna document them. I wanna show who I am and be open about it. When I started this blog I had the theory that being honest in life, even on social media, will make me the happiest and the realest I’ve ever been and so far, I gotta say I’m feeling good.

BenLeander