Saying Goodbye

We truly are heroes of procrastination when it comes to having conversations about the future. We always knew that the day I stay in Berlin while you fly back home would eventually come and we knew that we had to talk about it. How often did we say that that’s a problem concerning our future selves? And how often did we mention our bad timing? I lost count.

I chose to be here long before I met you. And to be honest, I’m glad everything happened in this order. If I hadn’t gone to Berlin (I thought about canceling often), I would constantly ask myself ‘What would have been…?’. I’m so glad you got to join me in my new place for a couple of days. I always knew that the moment where you’re taking a plane back home while I’m staying here was gonna be hard. Today is that day.

Standing at the security check was tough. Having you travel home by yourself must’ve been even harder. I hope you were able to get your mind off things because I know that being alone on a plane sucks. People at the security check must’ve thought we’re crazy when we were kissing and hugging in tears, but who cares?

As I’m writing this down, I get a text from you telling me that you’re waiting for your bag at the airport and got home safely. Now, we’re more than just a train ride apart from each other and I am home alone typing this. Well, ‘alone’ is probably not the correct word when you’re living with twelve flatmates. But that’s a whole other story.

I sometimes worry about what’s to come but thanks to you I got comfortable fast. And I love this city and actually living in it. I would enjoy it even more if you were here but I have to admit that it’s kinda amazing to be completely independent and far away from the problems I left at home. I have to use my time wisely but also let myself go and enjoy the unfamiliarity I longed for such a long time.

I worry about how you’re doing back home.
I believe in your spirit and know you’ll be fine.
And if not, just call me.*

BenLeander

*Thank God for WhatsApp and stable Wifi.